Shit Just Got Real!

by ithunts

While on a run with my dog this morning I had memories of sitting in my 9th grade Social Studies class, empty stainless steel coffee mug that I had had full of vodka and O.J. on the bus ride to school, trying to figure out how I could constantly have the buzz that I was having all the time with no break. Then I remember being on the track during P.E. later in my high school career, still working on the same problem; how could I stay buzzed all the time without killing myself? 6 years later I was sitting in my cubicle, not buzzing, and still trying to figure it out. That was the first time that I came to the realization that there was no way in which I could constantly be drunk or close to it without killing myself. That fact scared me so bad that I left work early that day, closed all the blinds, cranked up the AC and sat on the couch in the dark drinking for hours. I had forgotten about all that until this morning. Until that run this morning I hadn’t realized that I am finally living that realization that I had 12 years ago and shit just got real and I had to stop my run and look my dog and realize that right then and right now, as I am writing this, is probably the most scared I have ever been.