First Day Out – 9-5-13

by ithunts

So I am starting this blog about my journey to get and stay sober. Let me start by explaining the name. I have been a heavy drinker for well over a decade now. A few years back I went to AA for about 30 days and during that time of being sober (my longest stint without a drink, by far) I kept having these dreams where I was in a meadow surrounded by heavy woods and I would see a white tiger slip between the trees from time to time and in some dreams it would just stare at me. In others it moved silently between the trees just to let me know it was there. I never did figure out if that animal was my addiction or my sobriety and perhaps that is what I hope to do here. So what brought me to this day? Well, nothing dramatic and everything dramatic. As of recently I have been not only feeling like shit every day when I wake up, which I am used to, but have also been having very bad back cramps and I have been shitting blood. Yes, shitting blood. A lot of it. I need to quit drinking for many reasons (my family, my work, etc..) but shitting blood is where the proverbial buck stops. So anyway, this is day one. Sitting here with my green tea writing. I’m so tired of being tired. I’m tired of feeling this way all the time. I’m tired of not being the person I know I can be, so it’s time to make some changes. I have a feeling that I will be spending a lot of time on this blog in the future trying to find out about this white tiger of mine. It’s going to be a pretty interesting journey. Maybe sad and maybe hopeful, probably both. Either way It’s a journey that I must take starting right now…

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